Supposed. Kind of a funny word when you look at it, huh? Looking up the definition in the dictionary, you will find synonyms, such as: pretended, believed, alleged, expected and imagined. At times it feels as if we live in a world full of ’supposes.’ You may feel you’re supposed to act a certain way, feel a certain way, believe certain things. I ran into a perfect example of this after finishing a group sitting meditation at my MBSR class this past weekend.
It was a short sitting meditation – no longer than 10 minutes. For most of us, it was our first experience doing a sitting meditation. During the mediation we were guided by our instructor. As all of us closed our eyes we were told to focus our attention on the belly, noticing the sensations. The gentle expansion and contraction of our belly as the breath begins and ends. We were told to pay particular attention to the point where the breath begins and the point at which it ends and to notice the brief pause between breaths.
When we finished, the instructor asked us what we felt and experienced during the sitting meditation. A number of people commented on how it was difficult to focus on the breath or that once attention was placed on the breath they would notice inconsistencies of sorts, such as the breath not being fluid. There was this preconceived notion of how the breath should be during a sitting meditation. Calm, gentle, peaceful. And, if it wasn’t this way, then the person was somehow not doing it right or needed to change they way they were breathing.
The instructor then asked ’should it feel a particular way’ and ‘is there a wrong and right way to do it?’ In asking these questions in an almost rhetorical way, he was showing us how easily we can be attached to our thoughts and feelings of how something is supposed to feel. I found this to be an extremely helpful reminder and even more of a lesson to keep in mind.
There are many instances when I notice these kinds of thought patterns slipping in. During my morning body scan mediation I may not feel any sensations in certain areas, which frustrates me because I think I’m supposed to feel something or experience something in a certain way. What am I supposed to feel though? Why not just accept, without judgement what I’m not feeling, which in a sense is a feeling in and of itself?
How about the constant feeling that ‘doing’ equates to productivity…at least in the way we view doing. The more I read, the more knowledgeable I will be. The more I write, the more productive I am. The harder I work, the more successful I will be. The feeling that you should be doing something or you’re not living up to your potential by not doing something? These thoughts build up to stories we become attached to.
We also have a tendency to place labels on ourselves. I’m an Attorney. I’m a Blogger. I’m an Internet Marketer. I’m an Entrepreneur. I’m a Mom. I’m a Dad. I’m happy. I’m miserable. I’m successful. None of this gets to who we are because it goes much deeper than that.
The real question is this: Can we be comfortable not knowing who we are?
We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started… and know the place for the first time.” – T.S. Eliot
