I recently read an article about meditation on the Huffington Post that was brutally honest about how challenging meditation can be. Here’s a direct quote from that article:
Imagine that one day your curiosity got the best of you, and you decided to go to a rodeo. Having never been to one, you check out the scene, and lo and behold you discover that “you too can ride a bull.” With a bit of encouragement and instruction you decide to go for it, so you mount the bull, strap in and give the OK to go. Then the gate flies open, and the bull starts kicking, leaping and thrashing around. In the midst of this flurry of activity, you realize, “This is not fun at all,” and before you can blink you are thrown off the bull and let out a big groan as your body hits the ground. That’s pretty much what meditation is like — in the beginning, at least.
The author goes on to describe how a friend of his jumped into meditation wholeheartedly, but then quit after he discovered that there was a rising sense of anger as a result of the meditation practice. Of course it wasn’t the meditation causing the anger; the anger was already there and it was meditation that revealed this.
This made me think about the importance of patience. I attended a meditation retreat last weekend and the theme was ‘The Birth of the Warrior.’ There is this sort of birthing process that happens in the beginning stages of meditation and part of that process involves some pain and discomfort. The entire first day of the retreat was spent in meditation, with just a few short breaks. Something very interesting happens when sitting for such an extended period of time. I initially resisted. Thoughts would arise such as ‘when will the timer go off,’ ‘man, my back is killing me,’ or there would be periods of intense discursive thinking, which made me feel discouraged and frustrated.
However, something quite beautiful happened. At some point I was able to stop resisting. I was able to stop thinking about how I should be progressing or where I should be and I was able to settle in. I relaxed into the meditation and there were periods of brief openings where I felt a sense of complete connectedness and equanimity. I was simply here…no where to go and nowhere to be. This is patience.
Yet somehow I think we might be losing our ability to be patient. It seems we are always trying to get someplace, be someone else or escape the current situation. The thing is, in order to ‘get there,’ you have to have the ability to ‘be here.’
We’re impatient with the state of our country. We think it should be at a certain place, unemployment rates are too high, etc. While this may be true, we expect the change to happen now and when it doesn’t, we get mad.
We’re impatient with our jobs. We may think we should be at a certain place in our career. We compare ourselves to others and when we aren’t progressing in our endeavors they way we think we should be progressing, whether they be entrepreneurial ventures or otherwise, we give up.
We’re impatient with our very lives. We read self-help/personal development blogs, we take seminars, we read books, but then we get impatient, discouraged, angry or depressed when we don’t achieve the results we think we should achieve. We have this idealized vision of how our life should be instead of opening up and accepting where we are right now.
So, why bring this up? Why write about this?
Because I understand and I care. I’ve seen this impatience in my own life. You see, there’s nothing inherently bad in where our country is right this moment, where we are in our jobs or what we’re doing for work, or for that matter, our lives in general. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to change as well. Self-help and personal development is extremely valuable….when we apply the virtue of patience. We have to actually be here, right now in our own lives as they are in order to get anywhere else.
I’m mainly writing this because I don’t want people to give up. I don’t want people to get discouraged, and I certainly don’t want people to compare themselves to others. Instead, I want to help instill the virtue of patience. It’s actually quite empowering. There is always something to learn from where you are, right now. Always remember this. Whether you’re in a job you don’t like, or your business isn’t progressing how you think it should, or you’re in a relationship that’s turned south, there is always something to learn and always something to appreciate.
With patience comes courage as well. It’s not about sitting back and taking a passive role in your life…you know, ’whatever will be, will be.’ It’s being courageous enough to open up to your life as it is right now and actually live it.
I started this blog a year ago. There have been ups and downs. There have been times where I have been impatient and because of that I created stress and anxiety where none should have existed. If I could go back one year ago and give myself one piece of advice, it would be to be patient. I wouldn’t have told myself ‘make sure to define your niche,’ or ‘have a marketing plan’ or ‘create a product’…it would simply be ‘be patient.’ It’s not that any of that isn’t necessarily important, but before getting ahead of yourself it is best to start where you are. I’m not sure what the next year will bring. I can tell you that I will continue to promote mindfulness and living in the moment. In my opinion, it’s the most important thing we can do for ourselves. I’ll certainly continue to investigate and write about work. Our relationship to work. Our ideas about work. Our opinions and preconceptions of how and what we think work should be…and certainly how businesses can be more mindful and how we can be more mindful in the work we do. I hope you’ll join me on the journey.
Have you struggled with impatience? Have you started something only to give up or lose hope that you couldn’t complete what you started? I’d love you to share your personal triumphs and hardships with patience. More importantly, I’d love to help.
Finally, this quote is well worth pondering and meditating on:
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” – Rilke
I’m Nate, a writer, mindfulness practitioner and student of the inner workings of the mind.
I so enjoy reading what you write, it really speaks to me and is always relevant.
I’m experiencing significant impatience and I’m not sure why.
I’d love to hear any tips you might have to share on how you disrupt the feelings of impatience and bring about instead a sense of serenity and peace.
In particular, my impatience is becoming manifest whilst driving. Today I noticed that I was feeling so impatient with other drivers, looking for their faults, almost looking for reasons to be impatient with them. Naturally this is leading to me attract mores situations where I face drivers who are inconsiderate or annoy me. You’re probably a peaceful driver, but any tips here would be wonderful!
Mirella´s last [type] ..It’s All About Your Perceptions
Hey Mirella -
Driving! Yes, I love that example!! I bring it up all the time b/c I did and still do to an extent get very frustrated and impatient when driving.
What has helped me the most is to look at the situation objectively and without emotion. This doesn’t mean that emotions won’t come up…anger, restlessness, impatience, etc. They will and they do for me. It’s more how you respond to that and not getting caught up and swept away in the emotions.
I’m a bit more curious now when this happens. Is it really the other driver that is causing me to be impatient? In fact, does it really deep down have anything to do with that? More likely than not it’s something going on inside me. I recommend being open and curious about this…kind of playing around with the thoughts. Where are they coming from? Why do you feel like you do? Dig beyond the surface.
Lately, I’m much less prone to getting anxious or annoyed when driving, thinking I need to be somewhere else. Sure, there may be times where I’m running late, but the fact of the matter is I’m in my car. There’s no point worrying or getting frustrated about where I am or wishing that that I would get to my destination faster.
Kind of related to my above comments in the article, this patience creates empowerment. This is because when I’m present I’m better able to make decisions or just be where I am. If I’m literally stuck in a traffic jam, there’s just no point getting mad or frustrated. It is what it is. Or, if I’m on a road that’s very busy, instead of getting caught up in stories about how other people are causing the anger I’m feeling I can take responsibility for it. This creates an opening. I can either just be with the situation or I can make a decision to change the current situation (take another route, for example).
Hopefully this helps a little bit
I keep on wondering what drives us to be impatient. Does it come with our genetic programming that coincides with the survival of the fittest? It is perceived that those who can get result faster gets some edge, but the truth manifests otherwise.
Patience nowadays has been forgotten. No wonder only few succeeds with their endeavors in life.
Hi Walter – thanks for visiting! Good to hear from you again.
I think a lot of it is based on the views and culture of Western society. Consumerism is paramount to this. As well as capitalism and the constant need we feel to create a sense of identity based on how we want others to perceive us. Sure, some of us may not like to admit it, but I’d say we ALL do this to an extent. Because of this, impatience surfaces. We’re always looking for the next best ‘thing.’ The next best job to make us happy. The next best relationship to make us happy. The next best business endeavor to make us happy. The next best fitness routine to make us happy. It’s this ‘if, then’ mentality that we live by. Rarely are we content to be in the present moment.
I also think a lot of it is due to the rapid changes and increased speed we see things happening in society. We’re so accustomed to instant gratification…kind of a ‘I want it now’ culture that when something doesn’t happen as quickly as we want or think it should happen, we see extreme impatience arise within us. Look at the increase in road rage in the US. Or at a more macro level, what about the political environment? Unemployment rates are high, the economy is bad, but are people willing to be patient (this doesn’t mean doing nothing by the way)? Are people ready to deal with the fact that b/c of past mistakes and decisions that were made, we now have to live with and accept the consequences…with part of this being that it is going to take time to turn things around.