Supposed. Kind of a funny word when you look at it, huh? Looking up the definition in the dictionary, you will find synonyms, such as: pretended, believed, alleged, expected and imagined. At times it feels as if we live in a world full of ’supposes.’ You may feel you’re supposed to act a certain way, feel a certain way, believe certain things. I ran into a perfect example of this after finishing a group sitting meditation at my MBSR class this past weekend.
It was a short sitting meditation – no longer than 10 minutes. For most of us, it was our first experience doing a sitting meditation. During the mediation we were guided by our instructor. As all of us closed our eyes we were told to focus our attention on the belly, noticing the sensations. The gentle expansion and contraction of our belly as the breath begins and ends. We were told to pay particular attention to the point where the breath begins and the point at which it ends and to notice the brief pause between breaths.
When we finished, the instructor asked us what we felt and experienced during the sitting meditation. A number of people commented on how it was difficult to focus on the breath or that once attention was placed on the breath they would notice inconsistencies of sorts, such as the breath not being fluid. There was this preconceived notion of how the breath should be during a sitting meditation. Calm, gentle, peaceful. And, if it wasn’t this way, then the person was somehow not doing it right or needed to change they way they were breathing.
The instructor then asked ’should it feel a particular way’ and ‘is there a wrong and right way to do it?’ In asking these questions in an almost rhetorical way, he was showing us how easily we can be attached to our thoughts and feelings of how something is supposed to feel. I found this to be an extremely helpful reminder and even more of a lesson to keep in mind.
There are many instances when I notice these kinds of thought patterns slipping in. During my morning body scan mediation I may not feel any sensations in certain areas, which frustrates me because I think I’m supposed to feel something or experience something in a certain way. What am I supposed to feel though? Why not just accept, without judgement what I’m not feeling, which in a sense is a feeling in and of itself?
How about the constant feeling that ‘doing’ equates to productivity…at least in the way we view doing. The more I read, the more knowledgeable I will be. The more I write, the more productive I am. The harder I work, the more successful I will be. The feeling that you should be doing something or you’re not living up to your potential by not doing something? These thoughts build up to stories we become attached to.
We also have a tendency to place labels on ourselves. I’m an Attorney. I’m a Blogger. I’m an Internet Marketer. I’m an Entrepreneur. I’m a Mom. I’m a Dad. I’m happy. I’m miserable. I’m successful. None of this gets to who we are because it goes much deeper than that.
The real question is this: Can we be comfortable not knowing who we are?
We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started… and know the place for the first time.” – T.S. Eliot
Thanks Nate. The answer to all of your questions is very simple, at least in my mind. Mindfulness. The more we become adept at mindfulness, the more we become aware of our habitual mind’s thoughts, and the more we can bypass it, going straight to place of bare awareness, where real insight can take place. This is one of the compelling reasons, for committing to hard work of sustained mindfulness, and setting in place all favorable conditions for it to unfold.
It is such a joy to witness your journey! Thank you for sharing it so freely.
With much metta,
marguerite
Marguerite Manteau-Rao´s last blog ..Unruly Mind and Self-Discipline
Marguerite – Thanks so much for stopping by! Yes, I agree and it’s part of the reason I took up this practice. I’ve spent years focusing on ‘outside’ factors (not necessarily bad), however, I’ve done little in reflecting inward…examining my thoughts and such. I’m now starting to ask the question ‘Who am I?’ ‘What is my true intention?’ Not easy questions to answer, but ones that are definitely worth pondering.
So the thing would be to keep moving comfortably without knowing who we are, or not? If so, it’s a hard thing to do, but probably also our only option in many cases… because, as you write, just labeling yourself will never really do it. There is just ONE of you…
Fabian | The Friendly Anarchist´s last blog ..Blogging in Tempo Giusto
That’s just it Fabian. Most of us think we know who we are, but we don’t, right? Instead of looking ‘out there’ for answers or finding solutions, I’m suggesting that it might be more beneficial to start looking within. Start questioning the thoughts. Where do they come from? Are we really the thoughts, or are we separate from that? Can we accept that we might not actually know who we really are? Strip away your body, all the labels (name, religion, nationality, etc.), and even your thoughts and beliefs. What’s left? It’s certainly not nothing.
True words. I wrote about “knowing who you are” right at the beginning of FA, and you’re right that this answer never really is clear enough.
BUT what I notice is that it is mostly clear what you are NOT. So if I find myself spending time on stuff that doesn’t really matter too much, although I won’t have an answer to the question “Who are you?”, I certainly know I am NOT the guy spending hours reading about productivity hacks online. In this sense, “looking inside” helps a lot, even though it may not be clear what we see!
Fabian | The Friendly Anarchist´s last blog ..How to Live Life at Your Own Pace: An Introduction