The Art of Personal Goal Setting

Do you have a sense of purpose in your life?

People who don’t like their current situation usually focus on escaping the situation. What good is that going to do? For example, some might think that winning the lottery will solve their problems, but the truth is, it won’t. When I say purpose, I don’t necessarily mean that there has to be ‘the one’ purpose in your life. What I mean is that there should be something in your life right now that gives you some sense of personal meaning. This may change over time and that’s ok.

Work is obviously a focus of many because we spend so much of our waking time working. I’m a firm believer that life shouldn’t be about escaping work or a job. The goal is to find work that you love. It’s obviously much easier said than done for most people, but you have to continue to strive to look and experiment if you’re not happy doing what you’re doing right now.

There are a number of outside influences that get us off track and make it more difficult to live a life in true alignment with who we are:

• School: Most schooling is very structured. We have to take certain classes, we have to act a certain way, we have to obey authority and repress our opinions. After awhile, we just get used to it. We know what questions we should ask. We know what needs to be done to please our teachers so we can get good grades. But, do we know what we want?  I’m all for a well-rounded eduction, but why aren’t natural talents more closely monitored and nurtured? Kids who are gifted in math and enjoy it should be encouraged to further develop that ability. The same is true for kids gifted in the arts or music.Instead, we are all grouped together in the same classes and compared to one another. We forget about setting personal goals and instead focus on the end result – a better grade.
• Friends: We want to be accepted by our friends and peers. This can hinder the process of setting personal goals. Maybe your peers are all getting advanced degrees so you feel that you should do the same or you won’t be seen as ‘smart’ in their eyes. Maybe you have a hidden desire to open up your own pottery business, but you’re afraid your friends will think you’re weird and crazy.It’s our innate desire to conform and be accepted by the group that causes problems. Solomon Asch, a prominent social psychologist in the 1950′s, held experiments to measure our desire to conform. In the experiment Mr. Asch showed a group of people a piece of paper with three lines on it. There were multiple ‘confederates,’ or people who knew what was going on with the experiment, and one ‘test subject.’  In the majority of the trials the confederates would incorrectly answer a question asked by the tester (e.g. which line is the longest). What’s interesting is that 76% of the time the test subject would conform to the majority opinion in at least one of the trials even though the answer given by the majority was blatantly wrong. While in this experiment the confederates were strangers, not friends, it still does show our willingness to conform to the group.
• Parents and Family: Similar to friends, we have a need and desire to be accepted by our immediate family. When you think about setting personal goals do you take your family’s opinion into consideration? This is not a bad thing, but some can take it too far and really get off track in life just because there is a desire to please the family. Maybe you’re afraid that your parents won’t accept you if try to follow your true desires, so you take the safe route and do what is expected of you.

Start listening more to your ‘gut’

Does something seem off? Are you just going through the motions each day at work? Do you enjoy your time at work or is it just a means to getting a fat paycheck? Do you longingly look out the window on your way to work wondering “is this all there is?” I want to be clear about something here. I’m not talking about depression. You might very well feel happy in some areas of your life. You may be extremely active and have a great social life, but something just seems off. This is the little voice I’m talking about. You have to start listening to this voice.

I recently read a story about an extraordinary woman. Her name is Roz Savage. Roz had what many would consider a wonderful life. A high powered job as a management consultant, a nice home and a great sports car. However, something was missing. Her inner voice spoke to her. She wasn’t truly fulfilled with her life and she wasn’t leading a life in line with her core values.

She then did something quite interesting. Roz sat down and wrote two versions of her obituary – one of the life she dreamed of living. A life out of the ordinary, a life filled with risk taking, but more importantly a life that was lived to its fullest. The second version was where she was heading. Not necessarily an unhappy life, but one that was ordinary and not filled with excitement.

She slowly shed this false image of who she should be in the eyes of others to reveal who she should be to herself. A woman with an adventurous spirit and love for the environment. She has since gone on to row across the Atlantic and Pacific oceans on solo trips. Roz established what was important to her in life, took action and started setting personal goals. The results were tremendous.

I have my own story, although maybe not quite as amazing as Roz’s. I attended a small state school my first year of college. I didn’t really know where I wanted to go to school and honestly, setting personal goals for myself was the last thing on my mind. I had a good friend who was already there and I knew it was a good school.

All through my first year something was amiss. Even though I was enjoying my classes, making friends and getting good grades, I felt that I wasn’t living the college experience that I wanted to live. One fateful day, I made a decision that would change my path in life significantly. I decided to transfer to another, much larger school that offered me what I truly wanted out of my college experience. To this day, it’s one of the best decisions I have ever made. I look back on that day I made the decision and I am so happy that I decided to listen to my gut and just did it.

Don’t be afraid of failure

In order to make significant changes in life we have to many times take a leap of faith. I was doing just fine in my first year of college. I was making new friends and establishing myself at the University, however, something just wasn’t right. I think many of us get this feeling whether it’s about our job, our partner or the school we’re attending, however, we’re afraid to take action. We start over analyzing the situation and asking ourselves thousands of questions.

“I’ve made all of these new friends, do I really need to transfer to a new University?”

“I won’t know anybody and I’ll have to start all over again.”

“What will my current friends think of me? Will I let them down or disappoint them by leaving?”

“Will I succeed at the new school?”

Questions like this can go on and on. When our fear mechanism kicks in we start having these little doubts in the back of our head that create a snowball effect, getting worse and worse until we eventually just give in and say “I can’t do it,” or “it’s too hard,” or “maybe next year.”

I think what was different about my decision to transfer to another school is that I decided to listen to my gut  and made the decision to do it. I sort of turned off any self-defeating thoughts that came into my head. It’s really not as hard as you think to follow this feeling when making your decisions.

Do you feel a strong sense of excitement when you start setting personal goals that lead to significant change in your life? It’s almost this uncertainty of the unknown, yet great excitement at the same time that you feel in the pit of your stomach. If you feel this then you’re most certainly headed in the right direction.

What if you do fail?

We’re all bound to stumble a little bit along the way, which is fine. I’ve been struggling to learn that it is ok to fail and in fact, it’s one of the greatest ways we can learn. The journey itself is the reward and the challenges and failures we face along the way are all part of the ride. If you’re not running into a few personal failures here or there then you are probably not living your life to its fullest potential.

When setting personal goals, don’t be afraid to think big. Don’t get discouraged if you face a few hiccups during your journey. The important part is listening to your inner voice and even more importantly taking action. Don’t think that you have to do it all at once. You can always break down tasks that seem unreachable into smaller, more manageable tasks. Start moving forward and just do it.

Photo Credit: scottwillis